<sarcasm>

Agile methodology is the best choice for my project. I am a project manager/senior architect/architect on a project and I have to finish the project in a short time so I will use agile methodology.

Agile in this case doesn't mean pair programming. I can't afford to have two developers working on the same piece of functionality. Agile in this case doesn't mean frequent testing. My developers can't afford to waste time writing test cases. Agile in this case doesn't mean automated testing. We neither have time nor skills to plan, design and create an automated testing framework. Agile in this case doesn't mean frequent interaction with the client/customer/end user/stakeholder. Instead, we have put barriers so that customers don't bother us in our work. After all, we need to accomplish a lot in a short time!

Agile on this project means no documentation will be done. We have a tight budget, we can simply ask questions when we have to. Did we have barriers in communicating with the client? Oh no. It's okay to ask questions. Just make sure they don't interrupt your work. We can't afford to waste time in coaching them. Agile on this project means no upfront architecture and planning will be done. Design? That will certainly not be done. You guys are all experienced developers. You should not have to be told what to do. Coding standards, documentation standards, naming standards? Forget all that. We are going to be measured on whether we can deliver the product not how well the code is documented. Agile on this project means iterations are not important even though we have them. We will simply not define any milestones. We will not try to release incomplete yet working piece of software at the end of the iteration. Iterations are simply dates on the project plan.

The project isn't meeting dates. We are not moving any faster with agile. There are still some unknowns and we haven't delivered a thing. The developers are confused and requirements are changing. Why are we using agile again? Shhhshshsh… we are running behind because you are not working hard enough. Stop talking and keep coding.

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